


And There's No Way That I'll End Up Being With You (But Friends Don't Look At Friends That Way)

by ghostlygone



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bad Parent John Winchester, Bittersweet Ending, Emotionally Repressed, I dont really know, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Repression, Requited Love, i guess?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:27:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22394002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostlygone/pseuds/ghostlygone
Summary: He knows what they both feel, what they both want. But it's never gonna happen.Or, Cas and Deans relationship
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 31





	And There's No Way That I'll End Up Being With You (But Friends Don't Look At Friends That Way)

**Author's Note:**

> I know I should be updating other stuff, but I have so many drafts that I need to post and I have no inspiration right now, so I'm really sorry.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

He felt the gaze on him. The weight of his eyes watching every move he made with so much attention.

(He knew what he would see when he turned round to meet it. He would lock eyes with him and they would freeze for a while, mapping and memorising every inch of each others face. And then one of them would break away, looking down, and they would pretend it never happened. That neither of them had felt the pure tension and want between them. That neither of them had let their gaze rest on the others lips just a touch too long. That neither of them had been thinking what they had. And the one who looked away would clear their throat, getting rid of the evidence of their thoughts, and would continue a conversation that they would both throw themselves into, to keep up the act. They would go on pretending they didn't know what they knew. And occasionally, when someone else caught on, they would counteract it by sleeping with the first girl they could. And when they went out, they would make offhand comments, completely unrelated to the subject, about how great that girl was, or how good this girl looked when they both knew they weren't thinking that. That they had been thinking he looks amazing, or I wish I could.

And they would sometimes find themselves alone with each other, and they would be closer than they should, and they would both start but just before it got too close to that, they would turn away, continuing to do whatever they had finished hours ago. And when they were away from each other, they would be distracted, worrying about each others safety until they were together again where they would fight and argue to cover up the relief that they're okay, that they're fine. They would rile each other up, expecting the retaliation that was going to happen, hoping for it even, and when it didn't, in those oh-so-rare times it didn't, they would shout and point fingers and unload the blame and anger and the overwhelming fear of what they felt for the other until they broke down, whether it be visible or not.

And they would be sweet to one another, so kind and caring it seemed too personal for friends. They would check over the other, light touches from fingers dancing over their skin, until they realised what they were doing and they would stop, jerk their hand back so quickly and like it physically hurt to touch them. And the way they each had a token of the other. One, a nickname, the other, a mark, a handprint. And they could be so possessive, so incredibly possessive that people wondered what had happened to get them to be so. They would glare at everyone the other brought back, whether they were there to help or for fun, and they would scold others off for treating them wrong, for harming them.

And they would ignore it. They would ignore them. They would ignore the spark every time they touched. They would ignore the constant urge to pull him closer. They would ignore the anger on the others face when they brought a girl home. They would ignore the worry building up when they hadn't seen each other in a couple of hours. They would ignore the knowing glances from their siblings. They would ignore the pure love that flooded out of them every time they saw one another.)

He turned round, meeting the gaze of him. In the dark alley, the shadows loomed across the Angels face, making him look even more beautiful. He hadn't realised how close they were, close enough that all he would have to do is lean forward the slightest inch and they would be-

And suddenly they are. The Angel had leaned forward and captured his lips with his own. And he had tried to fight it (but he didn't try, not at all) but before he knew it he was leaning in, moving his lips with his and he was opening his mouth, letting his angel explore and they were full on making out against the wall of the alley. And then the self-hatred and the lessons that John had sewn into him rose and took control of him and he was pushing his Angel, _T_ _he_ Angel, away and looking at Baby, parked at the end of the alley, and wishing things were different. Wishing he didn't have this life. And he whispered something so, so softly that even the angel had trouble picking it up.

"We can't. I can't."

And in that moment they both wished that John Winchester had died instead of Mary.

Because Dean Winchester was Castiel's.

And Castiel was Dean Winchester's.

Even if they couldn't be together.


End file.
